In the post-pandemic era, while there remain many opportunities for in-person communication and the growth that comes with it, the grip that technology has on our day-to-day lives is inescapable. That’s not to say technology plays no role in how we connect. Text messaging, for example, can help fine-tune communication skills. But to a degree, smartphones and other devices have dislodged what now feel like prehistoric notions of connection. It’s no wonder a recent article in The Atlantic dubbed this the anti-social century.
Is phubbing really a divorce trend?
Our obsession with smartphones runs so deep that one divorce attorney proclaimed that “phubbing” — the practice of ignoring your romantic partner in favor of your phone — would be the biggest divorce trend in 2024. Now, technology is weaving itself even deeper into relationships. Soon, couples won’t just exchange traditional wedding rings, they’ll be able to buy rings that let them monitor the emotional state of their better half any time, all the time.
The “RAW” ring, as it’s called, is sold on the RAW dating app website, which invites couples to “Join the Flirt-Free Zone.” Under “Spill the Tech Tea,” the site claims its AI detects voice and emotional cues that “tell the real story.” The RAW website adds: “Keep you and your partner's hearts beating as one. Feel their emotions, share your vibe, and stay connected in ways that go beyond words … for couples who keep it real. Marriage evolves, and so does loyalty. Sacred vows go digital. RAW’s mission? Making true love trackable.”
Naturally, there are concerns. Vehicle apps that track a partner’s whereabouts have already been exposed as tools with potential for harassment and invasion of privacy. It’s easy to imagine these rings becoming yet another form of coercive control between romantic partners. The divorce rate in America seems to further prove that traditional wedding vows are insufficient when it comes to developing trust between spouses. The technology Gods appear convinced that couples are so insecure they need a surveillance ring to fill that void, even if it’s just digital.
Newlyweds don't need more insecurity
Do an internet search for the leading causes of divorce, and you will run into the usual suspects: infidelity, substance abuse, domestic violence, lack of equality, incompatible parenting styles and so on. What you likely won’t find is this: insecurity. Surveillance rings for newlyweds could deliver a double-whammy — increasing coercive control tactics and emotional abuse while actually amplifying insecurity in marriages. Both would feed, not reduce, the divorce rate.
AI tells us that insecurity hinders trust, while real security fosters it. Translation: digital rings that enable us to suffocate our romantic partners won’t automatically create trust. If we want stronger marriages, I’m afraid we’ll have to strengthen them the old-fashioned way: by talking to the human we married.
"Is Your Spouse ‘Phubbing’ You? New Technology Can Hinder Connection, Romance," by Alan Feigenbaum was published in NorthJersey.com, a USA TODAY Network publication, on April 27, 2025.