Divorce is rarely a pleasant experience. After more than 40 years of working with clients involving family law matters, I have seen just about every situation and tactic under the sun. The one factor that underlies everything in divorce is control. Of course, the only thing you can truly control is your own behavior. Knowledge is power, which is why I wrote a book about this topic: Divorce: It’s All About Control. And in my book, I explain that you cannot control the divorce, but you can be organized, have information, and control yourself. That is the real power.
One of the most important things clients can do is be responsive to their lawyer, forensic accountant, therapist, etc. This means replying promptly to emails, providing documents, and answering questions. Clients can help by being thoroughly prepared: organizing and producing documents, understanding expenses, tracking essential deadlines, and, if custody is involved, keeping a detailed record of time spent with the children. Your attorney will genuinely appreciate these efforts.
In this discussion about control, it is important to add that the client does have a say in how their lawyer comports himself or herself in the case. The attorney should be doing what the client thinks is appropriate and not necessarily taking matters into his or her own hands. Clients—always a crucial part of the process—need to remember they have a responsibility to communicate how they want their attorney to handle things. If the attorney and the client are not aligned, they are not a good match.
The following are some practical tips clients can follow to better prepare for what is expected of them in the divorce process and how they can begin to prepare to navigate the financial, emotional, and logistical challenges ahead.
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“Understanding What Lies Ahead in Your Divorce: Insights from a Seasoned Family Law Attorney,” by Stacy D. Phillips, was published in the American Bar Association’s Family Advocate magazine on August 10, 2026.